death in a mini-van in the K-mart parking lot.......

you know when you are super dehydrated and you feel as though you might actually die of thirst???

i had one of these moments that i remember very vividly when i was about 6 years old.....

let me set the scene for you......

it was a hot summer day... me, my two older brothers and mom in her mini-van. it is scorching. this is alabama. it gets really hot. we are running errands with mom... and we are ridiculously thirsty.... i mean, like cotton mouth thirsty...

so, the search to quench our thirst begins...

we go into k-mart.... somehow all of their drink machines were broken.... the vending machines outside were also broken..... AND the surrounding areas drink providers seemed to all be broken as well.......... how this happened, is still a mystery to me....

so by this time, i was in tears.... i'm not sure if my brothers had cracked and spilled some tears at this point, but i know they were just as miserable as i was.

it was then that the knowledge of not being able to get anything to drink suddenly made me even more thirsty... of course i was like 6, so all of this seemed like a life or death situation... i even remember thinking... that if the car breaks down, i will literally die of thirst.... a little over dramatic, i know.

so, at this point, i feel as though i am ending my days on this earth in this hot mini-van in the k-mart parking lot and that i might as well be crawling in the desert eating dust and sand.... somehow through my imagination of dying in the desert i see an oasis... i see water... and it is coming to me in the form of a mcdonald's cup filled with water.... HALLELUJAH! death is not approaching me just yet!!! i still have life to live!!!!

to say the least that was an incredible cup of water... i felt as if i were a dry sponge that had been submerged in water... it was awesome.

that day easily goes into one of the most miserable days in my life history.... but in the end, oh how satisfying was that drink of water? amazing.

i do have a point to this glimpse of my life as a child....

lately, i have felt as though i am back in the k-mart parking lot stuck in that hot mini-van..... but this time its my heart and my spirit that is dying of thirst...

tonight, i opened my bible and read a couple verses that i had underlined at some point.... nothing really heart shaking happened.... no big revelations, no little revelations... i didn't hear God tell me what my next step in life is.....

but

i did feel as if i were walking in the desert and all the sudden, i saw a real life, incredibly refreshing and beautiful pool awaiting me... stocked with any beverage of my choice... everything necessary to hydrate this dry and weary soul of mine....

the word of God continues to amaze me. it is freakishly alive. i mean, how can my dry and weary soul all the sudden feel rehydrated after literally reading like 4 lines of scripture???

ummm, because it is the word of God... His breath is on the pages and He is powerful and He created all of existence with His words.... that is how.

His words are pretty powerful.

Jesus, Your word quenches my thirsty soul.

for this, my heart sings!

"my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water...." psalm 63:1

"I (the LORD) will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.... for i give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert....." isaiah 43:19&20

the skies proclaim the work of His hands....

the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands... psalm 19:1

i miss my King...

everytime i read anything about Jesus or hear anything that has to do with Him or anything my heart longs for Him... it absolutely aches for Him... i love Him so much

it drives me to tears of joy and peace

i love my King and my Savior

He is my life and my love

He makes me feel like no matter what ever happens in this world i am safe in His loving arms

i am his and he is mine

He has my heart

but i am such an unfaithful lover.. every single part of me absolutely 100 % longs and thirst for Him but i still somehow fill my day with other things other than sitting and being still and reading His words that He has written to me..

it is so weird

but He makes me happier than anyone ever could.. i want to take time every single day and just read His word

so i can just bask in His love and in His word

oh my gosh i love Him

and i love this.. bc i never felt this in my heart when i was younger

i didnt really know Him then

but gosh i know Him now and He is gentle and so good

i miss my King

in His presence there is fullness of joy.....

this afternoon, i had time to just chill with Jesus with no distractions... just what i needed... i lit a lovely smelling candle, put on some music, wrote in my journal and read some in my bible....

as we were chillin, i came across a verse i have read and heard several times through out my life but it struck a chord deep in my heart today... Psalm 16:11

what struck me so deeply in this verse is the line that says, "in your presence there is fullness of joy".... i started to think about what that really means. to me it means that when we are in the presence of the Holy Spirit we have the fullness of joy... just like the verse says. but then i started thinking about those moments where i am the most joyful ever and it seems like just for a moment i don't live in a broken world... you know, those moments when it is a beautiful spring day and your listening to your favorite song and driving around with the windows down or whatever your joyful moment is:)... and it dawned on me that in those moments that is the Holy Spirit ministering to me.... and that just makes my heart sing... all those times, it's Him with me and Him making His presence known to me.

this is such a simple thought but today it spoke to my heart more than it ever has... i almost feel like i can trust my joy... not just happiness or laughter because you can be happy or laugh about things that are not really good for the soul.... but i mean, that supernatural joy. the joy of the Lord.... i can trust that He is with me and guiding me along that path and i can trust that He is going there with me... the joy is evidence of His presence with me....

i love this.

i love when He reveals these simple yet incredible truths to me.

its good for the heart. :)

playlist to go with yesterdays blog...

so, this morning i put together a playlist that i think goes hand in hand with what i wrote about in yesterdays blog... if you haven't read it, click here.

music has always played a huge role in my relationship with Jesus.. i am so thankful that God is so creative! He made those musician's brains to make beautiful music and write lyrics that somehow always express my heart in words that i can't always find on my own... i guess thats why i am a painter and not a writer...

im going to work on getting the actual songs on here but until then, here is the list...

1. Embracing Accusations - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett
2. Flesh and Bone - Sarah McMillan
3. Lay 'Em Down - Needtobreathe
4. Hold Me Now - Jennifer Knapp
5. Refine Me - Jennifer Knapp
6. Desert Song - Hillsong
7. Lead Me to the Cross - Hillsong
8. May the Words of My Mouth - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett
9. Everything - Tim Hughes
10. Madly In Love With You - Sean McConnell
11. I Will Not Take My Love Away - Matt Wertz
12. Doves Eyes - Misty Edwards

the treasures of Psalm 34...

I read Psalm 34 today and something about v.19 struck a chord within my heart. I was reading this verse through and what stood out to me was seeing the word 'afflictions' and 'righteous' in the same sentence.... I sort of did a double take at those words because I am used to seeing 'afflictions' and 'wicked' in the same phrase but not the other way around.... hmmm....

I have committed my life to loving and serving the Lord but I can't tell you how much I stumble and fall flat on my face. Its enough sometimes to make me wonder if I am really living my life for Christ or do I just think I am?..... because surely a true follower of Christ would not screw up as much as I do... right?? Wrong..... every time my thinking goes that far, I am gently reminded of God's grace... His saving grace.... His strength and power in my weakness... His unrelenting love. Ahhhhhhh.... when those sweet truths are whispered into my ear, i cant even explain the feeling that my heart experiences... its like, like falling in love all over again for the first time.

I don't know about all of you out there but this verse is nothing but a breath of fresh air and a sweet whisper of hope to me!

It is flat out saying to me.... Laurie Anne, you are going to screw up and you are going to run into trouble and hardships, not just every now and then, but many times... BUT here is the clincher.... I, the Lord, will carry you, Laurie Anne, in my arms through all of it... you do not have to question my love for you....................... wow. That right there puts an end to those questions that start running around in my head, when I feel as though I have really done it this time.. I am finished.. the end. The reality is that it is actually the beginning! Woo hoo!

I feel as though chains have just been broken off of my brain. I am free. I am covered in the blood of Christ which has saved me from condemnation. I am no longer bound by the fear that I have to have a perfect track record to be saved or that I am going to run out of grace. I am free.

Praise the Lord! Ahemdulah!

...beautiful mess...

"Ask any person who has a passion to explore and discover and create, The choice to hide so many wonders from you is an act of love that is a gift inside the process of life."
- William P. Young's The Shack

As an artist this quote strikes a chord with me. Most of all, I love to create. I love the process of art making. I am inspired by all kinds of things... everything from the way two people interact with each other to the shadow on the ceiling that a vase of flowers is creating. The process involved in working out the idea in my head through different mediums like paint, metal, charcoal, clay and other materials is the most exciting thing to me. Very rarely have I ever ended up creating my original idea. The idea is constantly changing in my creative process and is always better in the end.

The time I spend in my own little world creating what my heart is trying so hard to speak is a beautiful picture. I always think about how blessed I am to enjoy the things I enjoy. This quote from The Shack sums it up perfectly. I love to create and to discover new ideas through my process of creating and the very fact that I am able to do that is an act of love and a precious gift from the Lover of my soul. Thank you Jesus! At the end of my creative adventure i am always covered in paint or some other medium and my work area looks like a war zone.

It is a beautiful mess.

Not only is this true of me in art, but this is true in life. When I really think about the sovereignty of God and I also think about how I have no clue what the future holds for me, I am filled with so much curiosity and excitement! Life is an adventure waiting to be explored and discovered. How boring would life be if we always knew the next move? There would be no mystery in that.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
- Romans 8:28

If we really trust in Gods sovereignty and bask in His love for us, we can look at the unknown future as an exciting adventure. We may not understand why part of the adventure seems to be dark and difficult but we must remember the promise that we have been given. He works for the good of those who love Him. Trust in that. Rest in that truth. Celebrate that truth. Thank the Lord for the gift that He has given us out of Love.

Love ----> Trust

"Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved." - William P. Young's The Shack

I love that. That is so true for every relationship.

In relationships between humans i think that everyone will agree that when you can completely trust someone and never have a second thought about the validity or integrity of what that person says or does, that is the most satisfying human relationship because you know that they love you and nothing will change that. And because of that trust you want to love the other even more.

In our relationship with God if we truly believe in our hearts that He does in fact love us unconditionally then the fruit of that belief in His love, is trust. We can fully trust that He has our best interest at heart and He wants the very best for the one He loves.

It is hard to see this relationship between us and God sometimes because we cannot see a physical being representing God. But what i think is so awesome is that in good relationships between humans we see a glimpse of our relationship with God in a tangible form.

Today i was reading in Genesis and the part that always sticks out to me in that book is in chapter 1. God, The Holy Spirit and Jesus are talking and they say, "Let us make man in OUR image, after OUR likeness." He made us to reflect himself or themselves if you will.. how incredible is that? I AM made us in the image of Himself!

I was reading in my book "Completely Loved" by Shannon Ethridge today and it says, "Search the universe, and nothing will say "God" more than the creation known as man and woman." I am just blown away that God created me to be a representation of Himself. As a result of living in this broken world i somehow forget way too often that i bear His signature. Its good to be reminded of it and to live completely loved by Him and to know that i can trust Him with my life.

I am constantly fascinated with how everything in life works out. It is just so mind blowing to me how perfectly and creatively He planned out life between us and Him and us and each other. Our relationship with God is meant to be reflected in our relationships with each other. Think about that.